"there is nothing like you."

new favorite song, annnnd band? i think so...

i love you.

so, it's been exactly a week since my last post. which is typical for me! today, i'm not going to write a blog about what i hate in this world, or things that i wish were different even though i can't change them. this weekend, it feels as if a light was turned on, not only in my head, but in my heart. as i'm sitting here typing this, i should be unpacking since i've only recently gotten home,  but i just couldn't. i wanted to type everything out not because i'm going to forget it anytime soon, but because i'm just so happy. i'm bursting with joy. <3333


i'll admit 100% i was so skeptical of going on this retreat, because i come from a completely different christian background. i'm used to the "stand up, sit down, read this, sing that." at the episcopal church. i have nothing against it, and i love it- but it didn't seem like there was much worshipping going on. isn't that what church is for? i never thought i'd see myself just being able to close my eyes, and raise my arms to the Lord, only because i never had before. it's not something you really would ever see in a church with mostly elderly women reading the lessons every sunday. on saturday night, (1.29.11) i was honestly scared going into the convention center. travis had informed me people would be speaking in tongue, and 'falling out' and i pretty much laughed it off. travis, the only thing i can say to that, is you told me it wasn't all that common. i know i was entirely surprised, and just freaked out a bit in the beginning to be completely honest. i kept praying, thinking, well, i'm here. i'm not wasting this chance i have right in front of me. i can't even begin to explain how i started to feel.. at first i was wondering why i couldn't just be overtaken by God like so many others were at that point, but i didn't give up. it was hard for me to tell if the way i was feeling was just my reaction to everything around me, but i figured it couldn't be- i had been blocking out everything without even realizing it. at one point, i remember looking up and hearing absolutely nothing.. nothing but my voice, praying. i can't say that God spoke to me last night, and gave me any answers- but i wasn't particularly asking him anything. i was just trying to find him. i was touched by our Lord and no words could explain what i was feeling. i was in awe, and i still am. i'm not giving this up for anything on this earth. i want to feel this way forever, and to do that, i just have to pray. i've finally god Him in my life, and i feel as if things are simply beginning to fall into place. not all at once, because everything takes time, and there is stuff i have to fix, and i have to work for more that i wasn't before. now, i know i have the strength to do it.

Philippians 4:13- "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

i just want to take a moment and thank some people here, who in particular helped me this weekend, obviously in no particular order:

corey blanks, joey wilson, carrie and tina stokes, bri wieneke, cody lane, andrew mills, brittany bradley, josh bradley, brian goff, christian jones, maggie ward, travis ham, kaleigh ward, matthew wilson, bill ogle, and special thanks to bunk heffner, and javin proctor. <333333333333

i can't wait to continue with all of this now, and keep up this relationship with Christ, and thanks to all of you and all of my other friends, i know i've got the support i need.

until next time, xoxo.

music makes the world go 'round.

music is such a love/hate situation for me.

normally i will absolutely love a song, or hate it. yeah, there are the in-betweens- but it's not at all common for you to hear me obsessing over a set of songs for a long time...

but, music is always made better when personal meaning can be attached to the lyrics.

-taylor swift songs usually remind most girls of a particular guy, or relationship, or time of trial in their life.

-same with country songs, like jason aldean's. at least, for me.

-certain christian bands can lead you to believe your relationship with Christ isn't as tight as you may think.

-rap music just makes you wish you were in an el camino with tinted windows, and a hydraulics system with speakers to show off the amazing bass.

buuuuuuuuut, music is what keeps people happy and calm. it's what gives some people life- reason to live. for others, it's a solace in times of hardship and pain, and a reason to escape from everything else around you. obviously different music is liked and appreicated by different people. my best friend hates the screamo i love, and one of my other close friends despises the rap i enjoy so much. i feel like i'm going on about this for no reason what so ever. because i don't even know how i got on the subject of this?

anyway, i love music. it's what i go to when there's nobody else. when the voice of somebody singing feels closer than your own mom or dad's. when you feel as if the singer is directing his or her lyrics at you. it's a relieving effect, to feel that somebody understands, if only for that 3 minutes and 35 seconds.


forever my favorite songs, and in no particular order:

-the funeral, band of horses.
-mariana's trench, august burns red.
-i'm me, lil wayne.
-knock me down, keri hilson.
-beauty from pain, superchick.
-enchanted, taylor swift.
-maybe i'm in, sequoyah prep school.
-when the stars go blue, tim mcgraw.
-i'm made of wax larry, what're you made of?, a day to remember.
-crazy, stars go dim.
-stand, rascal flatts.


i reallllllly could go on forever. maybe another day, eh?

today was just, not lovely.
i'm glad i'm considered a wishywashy bitch...

until next time, xoxo.

zeke, forever in my heart.

r. i. p.  z e k e,  < 3

1. 19. 2010

what can i say? you were the puppy i'd always wanted, and the spring after i'd turned 5, was when i'd gotten you. mommy and daddy wanted a doggy too, and we finally got you! you were one sleepy squirt, but when you were awake you just had to sniff out everything in your path. don't ever forget, we almost didn't pick you out because you were in the very back. it was this family's house, and their two golden retrievers had a litter of about 10 puppies. mommy wanted a girl, daddy wanted a boy, and i'm pretty sure anything male had cooties back then.. so i wanted a girl. while all the other cuties were running around, and drinking milk, you were asleep in the corner, lying on your back. you were the one. i remember like it was yesterday, running so fast i almost tripped over the mommy dog, and i scooped you up so quickly you didn't wake up. i brought you over to grandma fair and grandpa robert, but they had already decided on a girl. but i didn't care. i took you outside, and played with you. and i fell in love with you. you stayed with me for 9 years, and not once did i ever not enjoy seeing you every single morning. you loved your kong more than anything, and you ate everything... but brussel sprouts. you ate faster than any animal i've ever seen, and i'm pretty sure if there were dog eating contests, you'd win first prize. always nipping at my heels in the backyard- playing soccer with you was the best. your fur was SO incredibly thick. making us clean up all the time. and, ohhh daddy would get so mad whenever you ran through the house- but you were just a happy excited dog, you couldn't help it! the marks just by the front door are still in the floor, just like you clawed it yesterday. then, we got buddy. he was an adorable puppy sitting in hay in the back of a pickup truck, and we couldn't resist. you didnt' like him much at first. i know you loved him though after the first night when you two fell asleep nuzzling each other. cutest sight ever. you'd been alone, in doggy world, other than seeing mrs. pickles and abe froman (buddy's brother) occasionally. (rip mrs. pickles.) and i'll admit, as i got older, playing with you in the backyard, and sitting with you by the fire no longer was a daily routine, and rarely happened more than once a week. but, with buddy, you two played constantly. he was a young pup, and you two were best friends. you slept together every single night- and until now, i'd completely forgotten about that. you both refused to sleep in separate beds, and we were forced to buy you one big one. he'd always pull at your tail, and bite you, and jump on you, but he was just young and full of excitement as you used to be. your golden coat started turning gray and silver, and i used to think to myself everyday, you can't die. i'll miss you, mom will miss you, dad will miss you, and buddy will too! more importantly, so will all of my friends, who've known you for ages. you started getting sick a lot, and you'd lay there, with buddy licking you. he knew something was wrong, and we all did. but, you went in to the doctor, and after you came back, you were fine baby! i thought  you'd be fine afterall. but then, a couple of months later you couldn't walk again, you weren't eating, and you could barely breath. you went to the hospital for surgery, and you made it through the surgery. the last time i saw you was on the porch before school the morning of January 19, 2010. i almost forgot to say bye, like i did everyday. and i feel so bad about that now. but i turned back, and i went over and sat with you, and cried. i was late to biology that morning, i remember. i remember telling you i loved you, and that if it ws time for you to go, it was okay with me. that afternoon, daddy called me right after school had gotten out. you'd died at the animal hospital only 30 minutes earlier. i couldn't go see you. i'd already said goodbyes, and i couldn't stand to see you lifeless like that. i have your paw print in my room, that the vet gave us. everytime i see it, i think of you. <3

i've never lost a human member of my family, but losing zeke was all the same to me. i love you, and i miss you babyboy. have fun up in puppy heaven, playing with old buddy, and mrs. pickles.

"after all this has passed, i still will remain. after i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain."

i have completely demolished the replay button for this song.

beauty from pain, superchick.

so, i got quite frustrated trying to decide what to write about today. there's always the choice of making a random blog about what i've done all break, but i feel as if that would be counterproductive. there's also the choice of me completely discussing what's on my mind right now, but it's so confusing i wouldn't know where to begin. nor would i enjoy tons of people knowing my business. some stuff is meant to be kept private. so, the only thing i have left that i think could become a good blog is dis:

so, after doing a random questions note on facebook because of intense boredom after running, i noticed the only question i'd really paid much attention to. it asked, "if you could go back in time to change anything, would you?" and, i really honestly had to think about my answer to it. until i realized i've gone over situations like that in my head before. we alllll have. you look back at a fight you had with someone, and only later can you think of the most perfect, witty responses to come back with. you look back and think, why didn't i just kiss him? and, most commonly, we look back and have the simple "what the hell was i thinking?!". mistakes, and regrets- we have to move on from all of it, or we're stuck living in the past. i did that for a long portion of my life. hating who i used to be, not that i could really help it.. but hating it, and thinking that if i constantly tried to erase and forget every bit of it, that it would never come back to me. that everybody else would forget it as well. i don't think i needed anybody else to tell me how stupid that was... i look back on issues i had back in the day and see it as something that now i could simply solve. it's because at that point in your life, it's the biggest problem you've ever faced, and as you grow older you are worn down with more and bigger issues that you get through with in the same fashion you did before. (thanks adam romero for teaching me all of this!) all of this is one of the reasons we can't use past facts, and issues to compensate for mistakes we make now. we make mistakes to learn from them. we're given the chance to makeup for what we've done wrong, and to figure out how to fix it. i want to say, "don't waste it!" or something along those lines, but that would be incredibly hypocritical of me, considering that i do make the same mistakes over and over again before i learn from them. more or less because i'm stubborn, but i prefer the term determined. that's something though that i am working on to fix. maybe a lot of us out there are. so no. i wouldn't go back in time to change anything. it's hard, but becoming easier to look back on past decisions and accept them, and accepting me.

until next time, xoxo.

"don't go thinking that this was a waste of time."

i hate labels.

i hate people calling me a prep, or a so called wanna be 'emo'.

or, if you've heard other things, well- none of them are true.

here's why:

i am me.

virginia elizabeth ariail.

i would say nothing defines me, but that would be a very unclear statement. the things i do, the activities i'm involved with, the friends i have- all of that in some way defines who i'm seen as. the way i dress, the way i talk- all of that is thrown in there too. but it's not fair to throw a name on somebody, and pretend you know them. some people may seem more on the preppy side, than say a social outcast, or a goth kid, but they are still their own person regardless of what they seem like on the outside. we've known since we were young enough to talk that it's wrong to judge a book by its cover, yet we continuously do it without any regards to the book, or well, person. how is it that you can look at a person you're friends with and see absolutely zero faults with them- but shoot a glance at a person you've never once spoken to, and assume you know why they're dressed the way they are, and act the way they do? it's beyond being 'not fair'. it's almost barbaric the way people treat each other. i'm no better than any person who happens to be reading this. i'll admit 100% i judge people without even thinking all of them time. and that could be a problem, not only for me, but for others- it's almost second nature.

-but, as i'm sitting here, thinking about it. sometimes i don't want to claim who i am. and that's mainly because i've yet to figure it out. i don't dress in one particular fashion constantly; i switch around to what i want to wear at the moment depending on how i feel. i listen to the most random variety of music from rap to intense hardcore metal, once again, depending on how i feel at the moment. the big killer, however, is the fact that who i am isn't dependent upon the music i listen to, or the way i dress, the food i eat, the movies i like to watch. those are all minor factors, but the whole point is you can't label me, or anyone for that matter. we are all our own person. i may not know who i am right now, which surely tells me you sure as hell don't, either.

all i do know, however, is i'm me.

<3

until next time, xoxo.



"i've got nobody else to blame, though i tried. kept all of my past mistakes down inside- i'll live with regret for my whole life."

"no one will recognize me."

2012, the word alive. <3

i absolutely hate new years. resolutions, turning over a 'new leaf', and plain old being a better person. why do you have to wait until the first of every year to do that? if it's something you feel you really need to do in order to change then just do it. i mean, i can totally understand the whole "new year, new you." because every single year of my life (since i can remember) i've wanted to be a different person. it always is way easier to change physical aspects of yourself. change the way you dress, or the people you hang out with. mess with your makeup, style your hair funny. hell, get a tattoo, or pierce your lip. it doesn't change you. the person that you've always been, you are, and you always will be. changing who you are is almost as impossible as rewriting your DNA. don't get me wrong- i'm not saying people cannot change their ways, but your personality is 1 in ...how many people live on earth? every year though, without fail, i still try and think of something i could do to change who i am. until today. i've been in a very strange/douche/retarded mood and i still don't know why. but, as of this year i don't have a resolution to be someone who i'm not, or to change who i am.

 i will never be able to change who i am, but i will forever be able to improve on the person that i've become.

that right there is a very optimistic thought.

i have proven to myself this year that i'm a very self destructive person- physically as well as mentally. we make mistakes in life because as we all should know, nobody is perfect. the challenging part is moving on from the little boo-boos, and actually learning from them.

*

people can look at me, but they don't know me.

i don't live under a so called 'skin.'

but what you see on the outside, is almost opposite of me on the inside.

i don't have a problem with who i am, because i'm me.

but sometimes i wish i could be the person people see me to be.

<3

2010, you weren't the best year of my life, but once again i learned a lot. i feel like the best part has been the most recent bits, but i can't be sure. i tend to be forgetful, so i'd hate to step on a few subjects and overlook others...but, who cares.

1. i turned 15.

2. i went to disney world, california, and texas all without parental guidance over the summer.

3. saw lady gaga in concert.

4. got caught sneaking out for the first time.

5. got confirmed.

6. rode a flip roller coaster, and went on to ride every ride at carowinds.

7. passed the 9th grade. whew! ...psh.

8. kept the same best friend. <3

9. became closer with older friends.

10. got screwed over by a guy who i thought to be my best friend.

11. met adam romero, and helen demer.

12. lost my first ever puppy, zeke. rip, 1.19.2010.

13. realized you can't give your trust out like free pencils, because nobody wants free pencils, so they just throw them out.

14. honesty was, is, and will always be the best policy.

15. regretting your past never helps you. but you still continue to do it anyway.

those all sound like stupid baby things, but they are some of the highlights of the year for me. most things, that i didn't list, have been very recent! <3 but, basically i learned a lot. i always do. i grew up some more, but then again, the more i learn, the more i grow in knowledge, and maturity so that's nothing all too special. regardless.. happy new year, everyone. <3




until next time, xoxo.