"no one will recognize me."
i absolutely hate new years. resolutions, turning over a 'new leaf', and plain old being a better person. why do you have to wait until the first of every year to do that? if it's something you feel you really need to do in order to change then just do it. i mean, i can totally understand the whole "new year, new you." because every single year of my life (since i can remember) i've wanted to be a different person. it always is way easier to change physical aspects of yourself. change the way you dress, or the people you hang out with. mess with your makeup, style your hair funny. hell, get a tattoo, or pierce your lip. it doesn't change you. the person that you've always been, you are, and you always will be. changing who you are is almost as impossible as rewriting your DNA. don't get me wrong- i'm not saying people cannot change their ways, but your personality is 1 in ...how many people live on earth? every year though, without fail, i still try and think of something i could do to change who i am. until today. i've been in a very strange/douche/retarded mood and i still don't know why. but, as of this year i don't have a resolution to be someone who i'm not, or to change who i am.
i will never be able to change who i am, but i will forever be able to improve on the person that i've become.
that right there is a very optimistic thought.
i have proven to myself this year that i'm a very self destructive person- physically as well as mentally. we make mistakes in life because as we all should know, nobody is perfect. the challenging part is moving on from the little boo-boos, and actually learning from them.
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people can look at me, but they don't know me.
i don't live under a so called 'skin.'
but what you see on the outside, is almost opposite of me on the inside.
i don't have a problem with who i am, because i'm me.
but sometimes i wish i could be the person people see me to be.
<3
2010, you weren't the best year of my life, but once again i learned a lot. i feel like the best part has been the most recent bits, but i can't be sure. i tend to be forgetful, so i'd hate to step on a few subjects and overlook others...but, who cares.
1. i turned 15.
2. i went to disney world, california, and texas all without parental guidance over the summer.
3. saw lady gaga in concert.
4. got caught sneaking out for the first time.
5. got confirmed.
6. rode a flip roller coaster, and went on to ride every ride at carowinds.
7. passed the 9th grade. whew! ...psh.
8. kept the same best friend. <3
9. became closer with older friends.
10. got screwed over by a guy who i thought to be my best friend.
11. met adam romero, and helen demer.
12. lost my first ever puppy, zeke. rip, 1.19.2010.
13. realized you can't give your trust out like free pencils, because nobody wants free pencils, so they just throw them out.
14. honesty was, is, and will always be the best policy.
15. regretting your past never helps you. but you still continue to do it anyway.
those all sound like stupid baby things, but they are some of the highlights of the year for me. most things, that i didn't list, have been very recent! <3 but, basically i learned a lot. i always do. i grew up some more, but then again, the more i learn, the more i grow in knowledge, and maturity so that's nothing all too special. regardless.. happy new year, everyone. <3
until next time, xoxo.
until next time, xoxo.
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