"you're with us"

love finding good hillsong songs when i thought i already knew the good ones. i'm really glad nobody reads my blog anymore. or anyone's blog for that matter. i wish blogger didn't come and go so quickly. it's fun to do. i mean, i know i always enjoyed reading other people's business and shit. but whatever. i've had SO FREAKING MUCH on me lately it's beyond me. school is stressing me out so freaking much. and worrying about one of my best friends the way i have been is about to do me in. i can't handle it any longer. i don't see the point of life if we're only ever just unhappy and walking around faking a life that doesn't exist. it's just something we put up to make us seem happy. i mean if people were to ever know how i really felt about anything they'd be in for a big surprise. i find that i hide myself fairly well. it always does feel good to open up to a few select people (other than my best friends) but then i lose that sense of pride for being able to keep it from one less person. so it's pretty much a very selfish thing. and then i wonder if i keep myself unhappy on purpose. but then i think not. because i've tried so many times to forget and get over it all. but i just can't get beyond any of it anymore. but the fact that i subconsciously feel like i do it to myself has got to mean something. something for me to think about, i guess. ready for extreme this afternooon. ha.

this isn't happening, i'm not here.

"in a little while, i'll be gone. the moment's already passed."

i forgot how much i used to blog. and i blogged about how senseless my previous blogs were, and how more sophisticated the next blog would be. i'm such a fool. 

i can't believe it- but i'm listening to hillary duff's "i'm coming clean" right now. straight up LOL moment there.

i'm coming clean.

she may not have the best voice, but the lyrics aren't too bad.. kind of fit right now.

i want to know who i am. why i'm here- why i do the things i do. i feel as if i'm 5 again, and everything told to me i responded with "why?". 

i need a    !