so, i got quite frustrated trying to decide what to write about today. there's always the choice of making a random blog about what i've done all break, but i feel as if that would be counterproductive. there's also the choice of me completely discussing what's on my mind right now, but it's so confusing i wouldn't know where to begin. nor would i enjoy tons of people knowing my business. some stuff is meant to be kept private. so, the only thing i have left that i think could become a good blog is dis:
so, after doing a random questions note on facebook because of intense boredom after running, i noticed the only question i'd really paid much attention to. it asked, "if you could go back in time to change anything, would you?" and, i really honestly had to think about my answer to it. until i realized i've gone over situations like that in my head before. we alllll have. you look back at a fight you had with someone, and only later can you think of the most perfect, witty responses to come back with. you look back and think, why didn't i just kiss him? and, most commonly, we look back and have the simple "what the hell was i thinking?!". mistakes, and regrets- we have to move on from all of it, or we're stuck living in the past. i did that for a long portion of my life. hating who i used to be, not that i could really help it.. but hating it, and thinking that if i constantly tried to erase and forget every bit of it, that it would never come back to me. that everybody else would forget it as well. i don't think i needed anybody else to tell me how stupid that was... i look back on issues i had back in the day and see it as something that now i could simply solve. it's because at that point in your life, it's the biggest problem you've ever faced, and as you grow older you are worn down with more and bigger issues that you get through with in the same fashion you did before. (thanks adam romero for teaching me all of this!) all of this is one of the reasons we can't use past facts, and issues to compensate for mistakes we make now. we make mistakes to learn from them. we're given the chance to makeup for what we've done wrong, and to figure out how to fix it. i want to say, "don't waste it!" or something along those lines, but that would be incredibly hypocritical of me, considering that i do make the same mistakes over and over again before i learn from them. more or less because i'm stubborn, but i prefer the term determined. that's something though that i am working on to fix. maybe a lot of us out there are. so no. i wouldn't go back in time to change anything. it's hard, but becoming easier to look back on past decisions and accept them, and accepting me.
until next time, xoxo.
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