"i'll see you when i see you..."

"...and i hope it's someday soon."

for starters-  CHRISTMAS BREAK STARTED TODAY!

i spent an amazing day out with caroline, jules, and ashley at sandhills almost allllllll day! shout out to seeing autumn and t-ball, ad junior and carlos! [:

oh, and some pretty trashy river rat girls who like to flip people off. so cute.

we definitely sat in santa's lap... he sure did ho-ho-ho a little too much.

<3

this weekend is supposed to be crazy busy. tomorrow i'll be at church from 9-11, then caroling from 3-5. then, everybody back to my house for 'treats'! joy. sunday, is confirmation... and i've been thinking A LOT about lately. it's already too late to just be like "i'm not really ready for this" or to try and back out, but it's something that maybe i need to do regardless. maybe it will help me more to find God. instead of thinking that maybe i should sit around and let him come to me, i guess i've gotta go get him.

so... you know i have absolutely no control over how i feel for you. i just can't have a repeat of everything. it's not that i don't want to like you, or have feelings for you. it's the fact that i'm only trying to protect myself. it's not that i don't trust you either- i do. but my heart's under lock and key right now. it's not that i didn't want you to know, it's just i'm scared. i opened up to everything last year, and i was willing to risk it all- and i did! it kills me to find out NOW how you felt then. you're my best guy friend, hands down, end of story, period. i'm just tired of hearing "i don't know." maybe i told you it'd be best we didn't talk to get your attention. because sometimes i really wonder if you're listening when i say i love you. i don't say it because it fills dead silence, or because it seems opportune. like 98% of everything else i say, i mean. since you will no longer listen to me for anything else, i didn't tell you i wanted us to stop talking late nights on the phone, and texting, and what not. i just stated that maybe it'd be best if I didn't. hence, I! for one, i was just trying to think out loud. and i regret doing that, obviously... but, just know i'm not going anywhere. but if that's the way you want it to be, then i guess i'll just see you when i see you. 

p.s. you're the love i wanna be in, because you've got yourself a country boy's world, and it's days like these when i decide that i ain't ready to quit. 

and, yes that was 4 jason aldean song titles thrown into a sentence. don't hate. 

until next time, xoxo.